From Grace to Grass

Posted: October 17th, 2013

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From Grace to Grass

            About twenty years ago, I grew up knowing I was to be the only child. I can track my childhood background as a memory of affluence. In fact, my parents had secured for me a lavish lifestyle that kept me in a comfort zone of taking things for granted. Years went by and with each maturity level of my life, my small family was not the ideal family preached about in any church or valued in any religion. My parents were always at war, and the worst-case scenario was watching them fight and hurl expletives that were deafening. I hated my father for being a drunkard, especially so since he always had a strong alcoholic smell about him, and my mother annoyed me with her retaliation. Sadness would engulf me every time I saw my friends’ parents walk with them to school as I sat on the left front seat of the car waiting for the driver to park so I would alight. My parents were often busy traveling across the country and abroad leaving me in the caring hands of the nanny, but I needed more than that. I had everything a girl my age dreamt of at the time, but none of it was of important as I would have traded it for the simple touch of a loving and caring parent.

When I approached my teenage years, rebellion was gradually developing in me since I needed a unique character to be noticed by the people in my society. A foul attitude towards people my age and even my elders was the order of the day. Every conversation that I had with those older than me was always short and terse, as in my mind they did not comprehend what I was going through. My understanding of life went down the scale because according to me, it was hopeless to search its meaning. I lost faith in God and went as far as disapproving His existence. I directed spite towards my parents for their absence at the time when I needed them most, and truly, absence did not make the heart grow fonder. I began disassociating myself with people who I deemed as paupers regardless of their kindness and harmless gestures. In my mind, they were beneath me and I could not stand how they looked or smelled.

Despite their indirect infliction of pain on me, my unharmonious parents tried to talk me out of bad company, but I ignored them intentionally. I would even go as far as having long verbal arguments with them as I always thought that they were being unfair. Indulgence in alcohol and other drugs seemed like my only refuge and solace, despite their foul taste and smell, and I could not listen to any relative since they were of less value to me. Life is like a coin. It has two sides, and while one is comfortable with the side on top, he or she will be perplexed with the negative outcomes of the side at the bottom. Clearly, this did not occur to me when I tossed the ‘coin’ of life and the first side was full of bliss.

While I was still in the miasma of mischief and rebellion, absurdity struck in my life when my parents were involved in a fatal road accident. This was like a complete u-turn in my life because I was reduced to an orphan. Since I had already reached 18 years, I knew exactly what death was about. It simply took away your loved ones and left you in emotional misery thinking about how your life will be in the coming years. Following the news, I had feelings of immense pain, which I expressed to anyone who would give me an audience. Emotional trauma caved owing to the questions that were multiplied in my mind. Questioning God did not bring any desired response and questioning me was worse with the frustration of being incapable of answering them.  It dawned on me that I had been taking my life for granted. Whether they were imperfect or not, they were still people who brought me into this world and that was enough to accept them as they were. My parents’ death revolutionized my life since I started seeing things in a different perspective. It is said that experience teaches fools, and the lesson I learnt was broad enough to sustain my personality for the rest of my life.

A revolution is a transformation from an immature or underdeveloped state to an improved and valuable state. The series of events in my childhood life and as I grew up brought a revolution to my life either knowingly or unknowingly. The greatest revelation was written on the wall in bold in the demise of my parents. At that juncture, I realized that we should not take people for granted because they are like flowers and they can wither away anytime. In my personal reflection, I delved into the reminiscence of the earlier times when they were still alive, and there happy times are still vivid in my mind. It also dawned on me that a smile on anyone’s face does not mean that he or she is not going through problems. I had been jealous of my classmates who seemed happy so I ended up treating them harshly. My aim, at that time, was to put them on the same level of unhappiness as I was, but that only drove me towards worse things like alcohol and drugs. My parents’ death made me establish a rehab in my inner self to deal with the emotional disorder. The relatives I despised and rejected ended up being my guardians with no friction. Everything I had been avoiding was coming face to face with me, but I learnt that dealing with them promptly would only make me stronger.

I am now a strong-willed person who believes in herself taking one-step at a time in life. There is no rush in finding the meaning of life because life is a teacher by itself and it is full of experiences, which mould us to better persons. We might be in different comfort zones then suddenly, life surprises us with tormenting events that help us learn the essence of appreciating happy moments with each other regardless of the personality or background. Problems will keep on streaming in a people’s lives, but we need to learn to take control so that we deal with other subsequent ones intelligently. The absence of my parents, while they were still alive was an opportunity. I had to learn to survive without them, but I ignored it at first. The good thing is that I finally understood my life’s status. I am now strong enough to advise to my age mates or even younger children who are going through what I faced in my earlier life hoping that they will heed it and take the right direction. I have a positive attitude towards the outcomes of life. This revolution has elevated me to a higher position, and I believe it will help me thrive in the future.

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